The Daily Dose

Terrorist swears he knows nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies

• Georgia governor Sonny Perdue has again mobilized his state's National Guard troops after another veiled threat from President Bush. Upon the arrest of No. 3 al-Qaida operative Abu Farraj al-Libbi Tuesday, the president said, "Al-Libbi was a major player for al-Qaida and his arrest is a victory in the war against Tera." Perdue remains confused as to why the president constantly targets the fictional southern plantation when he discusses the war on terrorism. Should he again threaten the Peach State, Georgia congressman Zell Miller said he will challenge the president to a duel.
• Our government officials are hard at work again. The Texas House of Representatives, after much debate (and no doubt hours of evidence viewed before making a decision) has banned cheerleaders from making any "sexy moves" during high school athletic contests. Cheerleaders from across the state issued a statement that read simply, "Ohmigod, like, Ohmigod!" Cheerleader supporters say the only options left for their girls will be to either stand perfectly still during the game, or text message their routines to fans who bring cell phones.