Assorted Whines: What the world really needs is private consults for dirty air filters

Lent is over. So I can whine again. And I got a few things saved up.

No.  1: THE EZ RIDER THEME SONG MUST GO! Let's be honest. Give me fingernails on a chalkboard any day. Someone may actually kill someone over this song. It is time to bury it once and for all. Or we could literally have a Throw It Under The Bus Party. That Sanjaya kid from American Idol last year: I'd really rather tolerate something from him than have to listen to that annoying jingle even just one more time.

No. 2: Little Debbie has messed with my Nutty Bars for the last time. I used to get two Nutty Bars in my cellophane wrapping. Now it's one. So I am either getting less snack enjoyment or I have to work twice as hard for the same amount of snack enjoyment which, since I have to work twice as hard is actually less snack enjoyment. I am not diggin' this. As I held my Nutty Bar the other day, it also occurred to me that it was smaller than it used to be. In the old Nutty Bars there were five distinct wafer layers. Now there are four. I thought perhaps a cost crunch might be at the bottom of this whole scandal until I looked at the box: "Now with just 100 Calories!" Debbie, newsflash: anyone chomping on your Nutty Bars IS NOT WORRIED ABOUT CALORIC INTAKE. Take heed: The world does not want smaller Nutty Bars.

   No. 3: I wish Mr. Rapid Oil Change would stop bringing me my dirty air filters when I get my oil changed. It's embarrassing. I want my oil changed. I don't need the whole world seeing my dirty air filter. But they bring it out and give me some bleak prognosis on how much life I have left in the filter and then ask me if I want to spend $70 more for a new one. Uhhh. NO. If I'd wanted a new one, I'd have gone to Mr. Air Filter. It's one thing to have to make a tricky financial decision in front of a room full of people, but more than anything it's just the whole spectacle of it all: parading out my dirty filter in front of everyone else sitting in the waiting room. They don't bring you your bad x-rays out when you're sitting in the doctor's waiting room. It's like if my doctor came out and prescribed Flomax for me in front of 10 or 15 total strangers sitting next to me. Thanks, but I'd rather continue to have the problem. I'm afraid it might be time for private consults at the garage.

Comments

[pjk]

It's better than airing your dirty laundry on Dr. Phil isn't it? Smaller audience. Unless of course you do someone serious harm from the EZ Rider jingle and end up discussing it with Dr. Phil.

[hjd]

Its not just the air filter. My service comes over and sits down with you like a real doctor and proceeds to tell you your transmission fluid looks bad and that 'ol White needs a transfusion. When you say "no thanks" the little 4-year old nearby holding her mother's hand bursts into tears. Oh, and never mess with an Eagles tune! There should be a law!

[John White]

I just can't wait for Little Debbie Nutty Bars to go green!