TV Dads: Jed Clampett did NOT just stumble across an oil gusher while shootin' varmints. Ask any landman: He had to have a map.

A friend and coworker says Father's Day is really a non-holiday in the grand scheme. After spending $200 on Mom's Day, we get socks and a card. (Note to family: No, I don't think the new Kindle is overpriced).

I have and will always be totally satisfied with the dad I was given in life. He taught me much, fought in the South Pacific and is an all-around great guy and hero to many more people than just me. If you were to ask me which dad on TV he is like, I can fortunately say none of them. No one is even close.

But TV dads are an interesting bunch. Some would make for fun dads, others I'd really rather not have to endure for 18 years.

TV Dads I'd Like to Have

• Cliff Huxtable. Funny. Smart. And not infallible. Maybe the perfect TV dad.
• Andy Taylor. A single dad raising a boy while keeping law and order who later had a movie made about him at the same time. All without a gun. Not a bad run.
• Homer Simpson. I'd just like to have an animated cartoon for a dad just one day in my life.
• Gomez Addams. Romantic, dry, a 24-hour a day cigar smoker and seemingly not a care in the world -- ever -- and a beautiful wife with mystifying charm and power. The kind of guy we all strive to be.
• Jed Clampett. He was a lot smarter than he ever got credit for. Talk to any landman in Midland: You don't just luck into an oil gusher like that when you're out shootin' varmints. Jed had to have a map he never told anyone about.

TV Dads Too Weird for Even Me

• Ray Barone. One human being cannot be this stupid.
• Herman Munster. Would you love your dad if he wore black fingernail polish, had a flat head and screws in his neck? (Apologies to anyone who fits this description).
• Tim Taylor, "Home Improvement." I made barking noises when I was at a school function one time. Won't ever happen again. Our oldest is forever scarred.
• Jim Anderson, "Father Knows Best." Kitten? Bud? If this guy were my dad I would walk around in constant fear of what he would call me, AND I would always feel insecure because he wears ties to dinner every night. Show off.

TV Dads too Mean for Me

• Archie Bunker. You may be able to teach his lessons to a TV audience, but learning them in the same house with him would make for a long 18 years.
• Howard Cunningham. Whiner.
• Ward Cleaver. Hidden anger issues. Possible Wall Street inside trader.
• George Jefferson. Deep inside a lot of unhappiness and resentment. Maybe because he's stuck in a bad marriage to a woman named Weezie.
• Ben Cartwright. Fist fights with his sons, and later, morality lessons at the dinner table. What's wrong with this picture?

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